singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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