I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
