its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
