i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
