My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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