I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
