After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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