You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize