We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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