just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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