The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
