Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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