We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize