So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
