mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
