it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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