My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize