Is it because I queefed?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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