she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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