i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
