I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
