He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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