oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
