Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
zippers are such a cool invention
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
