Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
