I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you had me at cake vodka
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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