She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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