Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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