Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
