Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
