You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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