I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
