Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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