Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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