Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i want to swaddle you in tequila
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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