She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
