I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
