It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
pop tarts are not kleenex
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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