I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
