Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
