I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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