I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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