guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
