Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i now understand why vodka
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
