This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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