her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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