Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
