The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
