i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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