what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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