Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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