did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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