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Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
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