Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
