I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
