i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
