So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
