dude i'm inner monologue high
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
