I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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