he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
