I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
