Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
