Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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