Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
