oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
