I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
