is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
