Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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