btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
