you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
