You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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