If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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