oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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