How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
