Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
