I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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