Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
